rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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