I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
