you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
