Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
