its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
