so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
