the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
