YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
