Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
