there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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