Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
