As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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