I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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