I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
