Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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