can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
