she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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