We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
