All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
