he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
