I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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