apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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