OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
