I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
