There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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