is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize