why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
