i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
