This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I would fuck him just for his dog
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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