Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That accounts for only three of the penises
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
