I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
