im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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