so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
