Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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