Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
