I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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