We won't sleep together?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
