Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
