So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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