I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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