it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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