U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize