If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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