She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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