Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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