Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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