i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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