I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
