the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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