whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
