I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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