Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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