I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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