i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
