"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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