Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
