think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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