Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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