What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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