im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
