were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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