Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
God, you're like boner-b-gone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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