Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
