I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
