why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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