It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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