im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
