I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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