Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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