So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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