just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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