Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
